When you look for sth here

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

730 days of walking

That's not me; that's my MiniMan. He started 2 years ago. 2 years ago he made the first wobbly step.
(Wobbly is my favorite word recently; not only because it sounds quite funny:)

Nothing usual, surely. But I just stumbled upon a post I wrote one year ago.
This one.

And that made me think how we change, whether we change. Physically, emotionally, socially.
Clearly, it is easier with kids. They have their phases, their attitudes, and they don't have all the filters we hide behind, usually with relief, sometimes with pain.

I caught them both today, too, running around and laughing. Just like a year ago. Just like many times in between. :)

Yet, that doesn't give me enough patience and understanding, when the day ends, when they are both moody, more moody than usual since they are tired.
I still struggle with being that caring, gentle, uncomplaining mum who is there for them regardless.

Why it is easier to smile to a stranger who stumps on my feet in a train  - accidentally, I know, but it hurts regardless.

Bad mother.

Saturday, 26 December 2015

Boxing Day

Up until yesterday - yesterday! - there was this overload of emails wishing me a very merry...
This morning I woke up to an equally unreasonable amount of messages, keeping me up-to-date with irresistible sale campaigns, now and only now available just for me, massive but fully personalized just for me, with used by date shockingly short, just for me.

A bit too much.

So me, my SuperSpiderGirl, and the Mini Man, we ended up on a walk in the park. With equally reasonable amount of people and their kids. Usually dads with kids which makes me wonder whether mums got the same personalized messages this morning...

Anyways, we got mud, wind, and wild swing experience.

Grounded and uplifting.

Highly recommended.

Sunday, 20 December 2015

Pre Christmassy

These are going to be quite a few days. I think.

I used to be super excited before Christmas; presents - obviously - were at the top of my interest, with smells and flavors ambling through the house, all under control of my grandma.
I enjoyed cracking nuts which seemed to be all I did each December evening, apart from reading and playing cards with my grandparents. Magical and powerful set of activities I guess:_)

Now there's none of that. At least the tree is there, though. Decorated by my SuperSpiderGirl. And no, I did not amend any of the things she put. Partially because her taste is genuinely good. Most of all, however, this is for her and her little brother. No need to interfere.

The tree is not enough. It's a good start, but it is not enough.
The food and smells from childhood which I try to reconstruct, as clumsily as possible - no giving up though:_) - won't do either.

It's love. And understanding. And joy, and laughter.
That is missing.

And that feeling that I am the most loved, the most cared for, the most important for the people around me.
Some of them are in my heart and in my thoughts. Some I will never be able to see again. To some I wasn't even able to say thank you for giving me that security - it didn't seem to matter that much then.

Doing my best to pass that security onto the kids now. As clumsily as possible.
But not giving up:_)))

Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Neuro linguistics

Been to a really interesting course over the last weekend.

It's been a very nice weekend anyway, but the course itself made me a bit stronger, and even tiny bit more confident. Willing to work towards being a better person.

What's more, I can now admit I was wrong when I wrote this post.
(Ekhm, that doesn't happen very often; ok, it practically never happens, admitting someone else is right is easy as long as it's not a zero-sum game. Otherwise I am always right. Obviously.)

Not this time though.
Until last Sunday, and after I saw 'Still Alice', I thought that our behaviour identifies us as people.
(Still highly recommend that movie; makes a viewer think a lot about his own life, and yes, try to make it better, which is quite an amazing result in a wave of brainless cinematography attempts these days).

But we are not what we do. We are much more.

Getting that idea, and thinking it through really helps to look at the world more thoroughly, without spending too much time on deep analysis.

I know I make mistakes (ok, that's about it in this post about me and my fallibility - enough:_).
I know I sometimes do things, resulting from these mistakes, that make me look a lot worse than I really am.
And that is the point.
These things I do, they do not reveal the worst in me.
They just show I am yet another human being.

Who I am is much more then what I do.

Good to know that. And don't beat yourself up too much over the past. Just learn from it, and keep going.


When a person smiles, x numbers of face muscles move.
While there's no definite answer to how many out of 43 available ones actually do the work (more of that in a very interesting article here), smiling does involve work to do.

For me, it's quite spontaneous. I smile a lot. Some say everything can be explained by our childhood; I was then fortunate enough to be raised to smile:)

Immersing in the past and bringing up memories is a very nice way to spend a gloomy December evening. Tucked up under a cosy blanket, my favourite cup filled with warm tea in one hand (black tea which even has its own name: 'Perfect moments at a fireplace'), photo album in the other.

Yeah, that never really happens - no photos from the past available as of yet (more of that here)...

Besides, I'd rather look at the past however tend to think more about the future. The older I am the more of the latter comes to mind; quite the opposite to the natural tendency - it's when you're young you think what it's going to be like, and you want it to become 'now' as soon as possible:).

And when I think of the future, I think of what it will be like when I am no longer in my body.
What will my kids think of me when I am a not so random - hopefully:) - collection of thoughts, memories, and words I tend to use the most (like: 'and', and 'tricky' ;).
How to make me better for them, and for the others.

I wouldn't like to be remembered as a mean witch for example:) and I don't think anyone would like that. Even those who say they don't care about other people's opinion, they don't really mean that.
They just don't think about them not being here anymore.
Fair enough.

The question then is, what to leave behind, what would it be that I create that will let others remember me.

I figured that out.

I'd like others to think of me in a good way when I'm gone. And smile.

Is that enough? No thriving empire, no flourishing businesses left behind; 'just a smile?' :)

But for me, that would be more than enough. That would be something.
Not only from face muscles gymnastics point of view...

Friday, 11 December 2015


I was recently nominated to the childhood memories / photos challenge (on Facebook, obviously:).
You're supposed to post 5 photos for 5 consecutive days, each one of them being taken at least 15 years ago.

Just realised I have none.

I mean, there are plenty of photos back in my family's house. And even more at my parents house.
But with me - none.

Like If I was the one with no past. Like if I wanted to be that one.

Just realised that.

But it's not the case.

Being who I am was never an issue. Where I'm from, people tend to assume a lot, and judge others a lot based on what part of the country one is from.
Fair enough, shortcuts are always needed; not always in line with the truth.
But I was always very careful not to be judgmental. And try, and see past prejudice.
(Mastered irony in the meantime, no problem with that;)

I know why I didn't want to bring the past with me.
I no longer want to be like that though.
No longer.

Saturday, 5 December 2015

I forgot

Watched this movie. Still Alice. About a rare version of Alzheimer's disease, passed genetically.
In short, not only you forget stuff; your children get that from you - it's 50/50. Talking about legacy...

A very sad story.

They say personality is something you hold within, it's your core self; habits and relationships can obviously change that, but not too much. The core remains still.
Well, that is not true.

What you do is who you are. How you feel is who you are. Who you hang out with is who you are.

And it's so easy to say these reassuring words: 'I am here for you', when nothing tragic really happens; when everything is the way both parties think should be.
The cruel beauty of that statement kicks in when things get out of control. Expectations towards another human being, your closest one, are no longer valid.
To get that, to let go, to understand it is no longer about keeping the important things in your life going - that is the main thing.
Especially when the important is not to keep the appointments, remember names, be somewhere on time, and pretend nothing is wrong.

The important is to love. And be loved. No matter what.
Anything beyond, is just an irrelevant add-on.
Just an add-on.

Friday, 4 December 2015

50 iPhone Apps To Earn Cash - AND A GIVEAWAY !!!

Facing December. That time again, with lights, positive thoughts, and cozy evenings with a book, and hot chocolate.
In reality though, most people spend that time falling over themselves, with passion in their eyes, on a serious mission to snatch perfect presents for their closest ones. And their relatives. Not to mention true friends, acquaintances, and random individuals who expect to receive a small gift as well, since this is the way to do it these days.

January will be full of saving tips, clever leftovers management, and belt-tightening (ave, gyms!).

I am into focused action planning this year; no casual benefactions purchased under pressure, with others eagerly queuing behind.
Interested to see the actual results of such sneaky scenario of mine. Time will tell.

At least one present is sorted: the not so little pick-me-up for myself:) Very appropriate, in line with what I'm (al)most interested in (reading, obviously:), and potential saver in one.
This book:

It's Emma's debut in the role of a writer, but what a debut it is:)
Rather then immersing into romance, historical endeavor, or sci-fiction, she went the route she is already blogging about: saving.
Which not only instantly increases credibility of her words. It also suggests she really knows what she is writing about.
As I was able to read it, I can only say these first impressions are very true.

Her publication is a clear and fresh manual on how to increase your income with a relatively small effort involved. Time well spent.

Actually, when I think of it, this could also be a very appropriate not so little pick-me-up for few of my friends. Maybe even more than few...

Emma kindly agreed to contribute to this idea, and here it is: a giveaway to let 3 lucky readers get the book for themselves, and save them from January blues...:_)

All you are asked to do is follow these 3 simple steps, here:
  • Visit Emma's blog on FB - From Aldi to Harrods (liking is not required but highly appreciated:)
  • Visit my little FB page - Everyday is Friday to Me (as above:)
  • Comment below, answering the question:

And make sure you don't miss the deadline ;) - 22nd December 2015, 8PM UK time.
The winners will be picked the following day, and informed in comments - just in time for Christmas:)

Best of luck :) 
  (If you're not so lucky here, don't worry; you're probably fortunate elsewhere, and even then you can still purchase Emma's book here.)

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

1 little story

This is how it could be:

It all started with passion on one end, 'no better option available' on the other.
A mixture of happy moments and sad times, not enough talking and hostile looks when silence was the king for a week, or two.
Over 11 years and 2 kids later, here we are.

Recently, I read this: 'Some day, someone is going to look at you like if you're the best thing in the world.'
I'd like that.